by

FEAR

Of the next step

Next breath

Next turn

Of tomorrow

Of Yesterday’s demons

I am scared out of my wits

Cold sweat runs down my spine

I can’t sleep at night

Let alone in the dark

Footfalls cause my heartbeat to resonate loudly

I don’t dare go to bed with a pillow under my head

Lest I sleep with both eyes closed

And berate myself for been confident

But….

How long?

How long will i live like this?

Helpless terror at every scratch and sound

The last time I was at the doctors

My life span had shortened considerably and rapidly for some one young as I

Oh! Such Forgetfulness!

How could i forget? Maybe i should hit my head on the wall

How could i forget I have an ever present SHIELD and FORTRESS?

Why? Suddenly i have got a short memory.

I won’t say ‘All Is Well’ like the Three Idiots from India

I would say to myself that i don’t have the Spirit of FEAR

But the Spirit of LOVE, COURAGE, A WELL BALANCED AND SOUND MIND.

I will do myself a favor and say it repeatedly

You should too!

It works better than stilling a racing heart

It will preserve your LIFE!

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EPIPHANY

Drifting in and out of consciousness

Snatches  of conversation around me

Can’t imagine what about

Dizzying spells wash over me

My head feels groggy

My hair is matted with blood

And my toes are numb

I am begining to lose it’ i think

If i haven’t already

Amnesia has set in

And i cant remember

How i got to be in a white walled steriled room

Full of people whispering

At least these parts of my body work.

I can see around me and can hear

How delightful!

At this point even if i was deaf

I would still be delighted

Because as i listen in on the conversation around

I learn that those in the same car as i died

Tears trickle down my eyes

Its a miracle i am alive; that is what they are saying

Not for long i fear

I began to pray for the miracle to be complete

After all, my Elder Brother has taken away;

My sickness, pain, sorrow and even death.

My heart filled with so much joy

I begged my lips to move so i could exhort him

Twas an Epiphany and i marveled at its clarity!

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Too Late?

Now that i have started,

I find that i can’t stop

Seems like a dam is overflowing

Hallelujah! Its flowing

Will the momentum stop?

I hope not

I am on a roll

With an inexhaustible source of creativity

Bestowed by my One & Only.

Even if you don’t comment

I know you are reading

And i hope reading this;

Has sown a seed in your heart

To do His bidding

He is my joy !

My lover.

Could be yours too!

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In the Begining…

You are my life
You are my love
Nothing can ever take your place.
Even though i wish,
I can only try
We are bonded
My heart is yours
And all i have is yours

I think of you in my waking moments
When i lay my head to sleep
Your approval is my greatest joy
And I can only hear your call.
Nothing compares to your
loving arms around me

I weep like a widow when i displease you
Never intentional it still hurts so.
I hear you in the breeze that caresses my neck,
I feel you in the goose bumps
that tickle my flesh when you talk to me
Your breath, though like a whisper is my lifeline
I hurt so when you are displeased and i am corrected

But what i feel…
Oh! What i feel

Is inexpressible joy, beyond my wildest imaginations
Because you love me,
No less for who i am
Despite all the the things i have done

Oh! What Sweet Joy!